and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
