Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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