Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
