So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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