I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
