What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
