you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize