i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
