i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
