I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize