I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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