Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
