so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
