I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
