Jerry, you need to find god
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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