Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize