Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
