I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
