The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
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