I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
