Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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