My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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