saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
