woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
