Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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