you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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