I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
