i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
