dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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