You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
