Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
