I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
