Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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