know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
