booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
