I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
