How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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