fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he thought i was a dude.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
