My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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