How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
