Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
