Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
