last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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