you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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