Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
