So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
