I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
