If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
