I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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