well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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