So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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