It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
