so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
