I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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