She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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