Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
