At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I want a musical about memes.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
