is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
