Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
