This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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