Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
