I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
