I wish I could punch you in the face.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
