yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
