Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
