So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize