I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
