No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
