so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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