I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize