I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
