It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
