Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
