I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
